*sigh* So lately, i've been feeling... stressed out, sad, irritated, angry, just... what think is... depression.
I'm trying my best not to think or feel like that, but I can't help it.
Not to mention, the eczema on my skin is really bad and I don't think it's just because of the weather;
it's because I can't help scratch.
I read on WebMD that the cause of eczema is due to:
"the body's immune system to unknown triggers"
"found in a family history of allergies or asthma" (both which I have)
"...a response to certain substances or conditions"
"upper respiratory infections or colds"
AND last but not least....
"Stress"

Well, the last one probably explains why I've had breakouts.

Anyway my point is, the breakouts is a possible sign that I am stressing out.
what's even worse is, I know/ can feel when I'm stressed out.

AHHH! I just wanna get away.
I wanna be MIA from everyone.
I wanna be alone (just leave me alone.)
I just wanna sleep and do nothing...
But, I need to stop acting like this because I'm pushing everyone and everything out of my life.

Whatever I am going through is killin me right now.
I don't know how to get rid of how I'm feeling.
I'm trying to hold on....
I'm really scared that psychologically, I'm going through something bad.
It's bad enough to know that my pinched nerve is causing me to feel physically unwell
and now for my mental well being to go crazy...I'm scared.

Okay, I'll try my best not to think anything of it.
I just need to keep striving and persevering
I need to stay calm and optimistic.
I need to be happy and not stress myself out!

I'm tired and I am begging for God to help me get through this.

Hah.I should be going to jay's house right now. but, i had to print out lecture notes off the PC for my next class.
my only intention was to do this, however i just had to go on youtube.
i looked up jesus culture: your love never fails and hillsong united: at the cross, and
i find myself in wandering thoughts and feelings.

*taps on the keyboard* oh life....why?

 I just want to get things off my mind. good thing I still have this blog cause I was thinking about
signing up for tumblr or blogspot or those newer blog sites. But, I'd figure someone would find out that I
have one of those, and I don't want to share this particular blog with people that I know.
So yea, I just wanted to get some things off my mind and I'm too lazy to write in my journal 
Here goes...

I don't know how I feel about someone anymore.
I feel that what we're just lingering, waiting for something change
or waiting for something to happen that will change our relationship for the better.
Maybe... it's just me...that my love has expired.
He says that I make him smile, that I make him happy. And how come this doesn't bring a smile to my face?
I don't know....
Shouldn't that make me happy, knowing that I make someone, who's special, who I love and care about, happy?

Have I come to the possibility that I might not be in love anymore?
Have I possibly fallen out of love?
I try not to look that way; I try to see it as, "something's gotta change"
I'm thinking, 'it's him that needs to change' but then I think, 'maybe, I'm the one that has to change.'
I know that he loves me; he puts me before himself, he makes sure that I'm okay.
But sometimes I feel like he doesn't like the person that I am.
I know there are little things that drive about me that him nuts and that can build over time.
He expressed it to me one day and it made me cry.
Maybe it's because that's the first time I've heard him express how he feels about me other than love
But it made me think that maybe I'm not the girl he wants anymore...

I don't think I'm what he wants anymore.

I love to go out and explore new things,
I love singing, I love dancing,
I love striving for my life and for others
I love growth and change
I love God.

I don't like how he has turned out
I've told this to him before...he's aware of it too.
I told him, "I feel that...no, I know that you don't care about life anymore. That, you're just living life day by day, without any plans, any direction for the future."
I told him, "I know everyone in your life has given up on you and I have my moments where I've wanted to give up on you too, because I can't do this anymore. But, I love you and I don't want to give up on you."
...what more do I have to say?! I feel like I'm wasting...my breath...
I want him to rethink what he wants to do with his life and I want him to pursue it.
It's not just for me; I want him to do this for him, for his future, for his life.

I don't know...
All I know is that, this is making me sad...
...or maybe I'm about to have my period and I'm starting to feel emo.
What ever this feeling may be, Lord God please answer my prayers.
My heart is hurting and I'm at a point where I just want to be alone.